More of the same (and it's a long one)

After the loss of our baby, we grieved like you'd grieve the loss of a close family member, only worse. Not only did we lose this little person made by us, we lost the dreams we had for him/her and our family. We lost the overwhelming excitement every couple should feel when they see a positive pregnancy test. For now, we'd feel fear of the past repeating itself.

And it did. On December 18, 2008, we lost baby #2 at about 5 and a half weeks. The good news is we didn't have any issues getting pregnant this time. The added bad news? We've now lost 2 babies and no one can tell us why. Christmas was Hell. How do you celebrate with family and friends, most of which didn't even know about the babies, just one week after losing a second one?

At this point, our doctor said that based on the gestation that we lost both babies, and the fact of the luteal phase defect (LPD) I'd observed by doing my BBT's, he was pretty sure the miscarriages were due to low progesterone. I was to begin a supplement called Prometrium immediately following ovulation the next month we tried to conceive. But just in case, he sent us to a genetics counselor where everything checked out with both mine and my hubby's DNA. As a precaution (and because no one had any answers for us), I was to start taking additional folic acid (I've been taking a prenatal vitamin since Aug 2007) and a baby aspirin every day.

We now had some restored hope. I was started on Clomid to help my body to ovulate sooner to help avoid problems with the LPD. And, on February 19, 2009 when we had another positive pregnancy test, more fear than excitement was present. I'd been on the Prometrium, Aspirin, and additional folic acid. I had a blood test the very first day I had a positive home test. The hCG level was very low, but the progesterone level was awesome! I took a home pregnancy test every day for a week just to be sure the lines were getting darker. On March 5, 2009 we had our very first ultrasound. There was indeed a gestational sac. I had my hCG level checked twice a week, every week, and my progesterone level checked every week. On March 12, my hCG and progesterone levels had dropped from the last test. On March 17, the hCG had risen a little bit. I upped my Prometrium. On the 19th, it dropped again. We were told that we were most likely losing the baby. On the 20th, we had another u/s. The sac was present, but no heartbeat, and it was only measuring 5w3d despite being almost 8 weeks along, and the hCG had dropped even more. On March 24, it was declared a missed miscarriage (one my body didn't want to let go) and I was started on Cytotec to speed up the process of miscarrying. I actually required 2 doses instead of the usual 1 dose.

We'd now lost 3 babies. And we still had no answers. I'd done everything I'd been instructed to do. We were referred to a local infertility specialist who diagnosed me with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and started me on Metformin. I had a (very painful) hystersalpingogram where they dilate the cervix, inject dye into the uterus, and watch the dye move through the reproductive tract under xray. This showed that I had a normal uterus, normal open fallopian tubes, and normal ovaries. We proceeded with probably about 20-30 blood tests, all of which came back normal. For the next several months we continued the Clomid and had monthly ultrasounds to look at the follicles present in my ovaries to be sure I was producing good eggs. I continued the Prometrium, aspirin and folic acid. All looked great and I was having normal ovulation and normal cycles.

On June 28, 2009 we had another positive pregnancy test. This one lasted about 5 weeks. This specialist declared it a "chemical pregnancy" saying I wasn't really pregnant. His nonchalant attitude and lack of compassion made the loss that much worse. It was then that I decided I really didn't care to see him again.

He started me on a 1-month Rx of birth control pills to "regulate my cycle". Then we resumed the Clomid and monthly mid-cycle ultrasounds. October 10, 2009 we had a positive pregnancy test. I waited close to a week before getting a blood test done because I didn't want to face another low hCG level. The level was higher than it had ever been. And the progesterone level was acceptable. That was the very last time I went to that specialist's office. He wasn't going to bum me out this time.

And then it happened. On October 29, 2009 at almost 8 weeks pregnant, we heard our very first heartbeat. It was at 126 bpm. All my blood levels were good, although the progesterone was on the low side of normal. The doctor said we'd made it. All was great. We needed to relax and get used to the idea that we were actually going to have a baby. We were ecstatic. We were now having weekly ultrasounds since we were such high risk. The following week, everything was still great. My hubby and I FINALLY relaxed at almost 9 weeks. Then we went for our (almost) 10 week u/s. There was no heartbeat and the baby measured just 9w2d. We were stunned. The u/s tech and doctor were baffled and had no words or explanation. Everything looked perfect, but the heart had stopped beating. We scheduled a D&C for 2 days later on 10/20/09 when I would've been exactly 10 weeks. We asked that the baby, placenta, and all other tissues collected be sent for testing. We'd get the results in about 6+ weeks. We were grasping at straws now. We'd lost 5 babies and still had no known cause.

In December 2009 we went to see a new specialist an hour and a half away. He had national recognition for infertility practices. Within 2 visits, he had diagnosed me with an elevated anticardiolipin antibody (ACA) which causes my body to attack a pregnancy and cut off it's blood supply. He also diagnosed my hubby with misshapen sperm. He was told to start detoxing his body with Acai Berry juice and a fertility supplement. We were told that this had to be a new development or I'd never have become pregnant. I was told I needed to be on a blood thinner, a type of heparin, called Lovenox starting after ovulation each cycle, and it would continue throughout the first trimester if we became pregnant. A month later, my hubby's sperm showed some improvement, and I was put through another test -- a saline ultrasound which would look for the same things as the hystersalpingogram. This was uncomfortable, but not nearly as painful as the HSG. All looked normal. Later in the month of January, we attempted intrauterine insemination (IUI) to be sure only the good sperm would reach an egg. It failed. We tried again in February w/o results.

Meantime, we got the results on the baby from the D&C. Normal DNA. Normal development. A perfect little girl.

In late February, I started having gallblader attacks. Finally, in March, it was decided by a surgeon that it needed to be removed. Once I had a negative pregnancy test, I scheduled the surgery. I told the surgeon that the surgery had to be after a period and before ovulation so that it wouldn't interfere with trying to get pregnant. I'm sure he thought I was crazy. I had surgery on 4/8/10. I had planned to recuperate in the mountains of TN, where we'd casually try again for a baby. No fertility meds. No blood tests. No IUI. Just a husband and a wife with a few ovulation tests. God had other plans. The surgery screwed up my cycle and pushed back my ovulation by a week.

But God knew what He was doing.